Frequently asked questions on kissing #1

  Kissing FAQ - Tips and tricks - Information

Kissing is one of life’s most innocent guilty pleasures and if your FAQs on the subject are any indication, it is something teens think (worry) about a lot. Are you doing it right? When is it OK to go in for the first kiss? How can you tell if somebody is ready to be kissed? How can you let somebody know you want to be kissed? How do you stop kissing when things start going too far for your liking? In our continuing effort to answer the questions YOU want answered the most we bring you the first Teen Life FAQ of 2003 - Your Kissing & Making Out FAQs.

When is it OK to give somebody a first kiss? Is it OK to kiss on the first date?

Yes, it is OK to kiss on the first date. It isn’t timing that matters when deciding to kiss somebody, it is feelings that count. Do you like this person? Do you think s/he likes you back? Are you attracted to each other? Do you feel comfortable enough with this person to get intimate? Do you trust him/her and his/her intentions toward you? Are you willing to risk your feelings on a kiss with somebody you do not know well or trust yet? These are the sorts of things you need to consider when thinking about whether or not to kiss somebody. If you answered yes to the first five questions on this list then it looks like you are in the right place mentally to kiss and it doesn’t matter whether that happens on the first date or on the tenth date. When it is right, your heart and mind will be in agreement and you will know.

How can I tell if s/he wants me to kiss her/him?

The obvious answer to this question is "just ask", but most teens are not comfortable being that forward. FYI: lots of people think it is very sweet and romantic to be asked, something like, "I really like you and would love to kiss you right now, may I?" usually gets the message across in a nonchalant kind of way. If you don’t feel suave enough to pull this off there are some clues to be found in body language. If somebody is open to being kissed they are likely to sit close to you, smile and laugh a lot, lick their lips, run their fingers through their own hair or yours, touch your arm, shoulder or face, and frequently tilt their head. Other tell-tale signs include suggestions that the two of you go somewhere private or quiet, that you go somewhere to be alone, or that you go someplace to talk. Maybe s/he will beat you to the punch and ask you to kiss them... stranger things have happened.

How can I let him/her know that I want to be kissed?

Again, the obvious answer here is "speak up", let the person you want to kiss you know by saying something like, "Is there any chance you might want to kiss me tonight?" If being forward is not your thing you really don’t have much else to go with, as the saying goes, the ball is not in your court. You can send out signals by being attentive to the object of your affections, you can smile, stay close by and touch him/her discreetly. Other than that, the only thing you can do is wait for, and hope that, s/he will make the first move.

How do I politely put on the brakes when my steady starts pushing kissing to the next level?

At a time like this being polite should be the least of your worries. Being diplomatic is all you should be concerned about. Start by gently pushing him/her away and saying that things are going father than you want. That should work. If it doesn’t, your partner isn’t being polite and you shouldn’t be too bothered about doing so either. Push harder, and be firmer in what you say, stand up and move away from him/her if necessary. If /she is really unyielding you may have to get angry to be heard. Don’t be shy; this is your body and you are the only person who gets to decide what to do with it. Chances are very good that your partner will stop when you first put up the stop signals, so it is unlikely that things will have to get ugly. But if you do need to assert yourself to make the other person stop, do not be afraid to do so, living with the fact that somebody bullied you into being more intimate than you wanted to be is never a nice thing.

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