I hate asthma

  Stuffs about asthma

I hate asthma.

My son hates asthma.

I know this because he told me this recently while he was telling me how much he hates dealing with glasses and contacts. It was an interesting moment because I thought I had come to terms with my feelings toward asthma back when he was diagnosed 10 years ago. (Note: coming to terms does not mean the hate or anger has gone away, but rather, merely accepting it and not letting it rule my life-two very difficult tasks.) What struck me most at that moment was that I had never considered how HE felt toward his asthma. I guess in my coming to terms I had left out the key element of his feelings. It sent me back to square one.

Not only was I now filled my anger toward a disease that puts limits on how he lives his life, affects how people perceive him and could take his life, but now I was also angry that he had to feel the same ugly emotions I had been feeling for so long. Anger times two. I had to re-learn to deal with my hatred and how to deal with his. As a parent of a teenager, I realized that this was NOT the time to leave him to his own emotions while I wallow in my own.

Now what? Anger is a powerful emotion. Left unchecked, it can move us to do things that shock even ourselves. Ironically, love, hate and anger’s ultimate opposite, has the same affect. How many times have we learned of parents running into burning buildings to save their children? In an instant, their love for their child supersedes their own need for self-preservation.

Hate and anger can move us in similar ways. In the extreme, look at the events of 9-11. The terrorists’ hatred for the United States and what we stand for moved them to kill thousands of innocent people. Shortly afterward, anger moved neighbors to turn against neighbors in a misguided need for revenge. Frightening. That was not a path I wanted my son to walk down.

The best I could do for Matt was to show him safe ways of dealing with his anger. Like a volcano, anger is a volatile emotion and the lava is going to flow at some time or another. It’s best to find a way to let it trickle out in a controlled flow, than deal with a pyroclastic event.

cannot make our anger just go away and I cannot deny the emotion. We feel it; therefore it is real and deserves my attention. But how to diffuse it and move toward acceptance is no easy feat and it is different for everyone. And not everyone is going to know what he or she needs to do which is why I think Suite 101’s Anger Event is such a positive move at an important time.

For some, reading about some else’s anger or hatred can help put your own into perspective. Or, it can make you feel "normal" knowing that others share your emotion. For others, writing about and sharing their emotions helps wash it through their system. For others still, it may give them clues on how to deal with their own turbulent feelings.

But back to my angry teenager.

He is not into reading or writing, but he is into talking and fortunately we still have an open relationship (he’s only 13). So we talked, or rather, he talked and I listened. Just listened. No comments. No judgments. When he was finished, I told him it was okay to be angry and that it was normal! As for dealing with it, I could not offer him any magic solutions. Sorry, Pal, life just ain’t that easy. Instead, we decided that strenuous physical activity helps him. So, playing Lacrosse and trying new stunts with his BMX bike seem to help. I’m the same way, but for me it’s an hour on the stair master or throwing an old telephone book around the garage until it looks like pulp.

Matt and I have just started on the road to managing our anger while we are trying to manage his asthma. What a pain. In a strange way, though, it has given us a new bond. We both hate asthma, it makes US angry and we are going to work our way through it together. I hate that. Just as I try to assert my anger for this disease, I find a positive thread in the whole ordeal. Can’t I even enjoy being angry for a minute?

On a more serious note, if you are having difficulties working through your own anger or you see this in someone close to you, seek professional help. Even joining a support group can make a large difference in your life.

About the author:
Asthma



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